Requirement Creep
A shapeshifting entity that feeds on vague objectives and phrases like "while we have you." It begins as one deliverable and ends as a small agency modernization effort with no additional funding.
Field guide
Acquisition Bestiary
A professionally unserious guide to procurement entities observed near incomplete requirements, unstable funding, and rooms where someone says "this should be easy."
The Unfunded Urgency
Appears with high importance and no accounting data. Often accompanied by a calendar invite titled "quick sync" and the sentence "we are working the funds."
The Phantom COR
Listed in the package but unreachable during performance issues. Sightings increase immediately after invoices arrive and decrease during surveillance planning.
The Friendly Attorney
A rare and precious ally. Must be protected. Provides comments that improve the record, explains risk without theater, and occasionally says "this is awardable."
The End-of-Year Goblin
Screams "use it or lose it" while holding fourteen incomplete purchase requests. Can be calmed with complete funding documents, valid bona fide need, and a chair facing away from the clock.
The Source Selection Hydra
Each time one evaluation factor is clarified, two subfactors appear. Cutting off discussions may cause a debriefing head to grow in its place.
The Debriefing Mirror
Shows the acquisition team every weakness they thought nobody noticed. Useful, painful, and best approached with the record open.
The Protest Specter
Not always present, but always standing just outside the room. It grows stronger near unclear evaluation language, inconsistent documentation, and confidence unsupported by the file.
The Clause Matrix Leviathan
Sleeps in spreadsheets. Wakes when someone says "commercial item." Its many eyes are prescriptions, alternates, deviations, and one hidden row that changes everything.
The Quick Question
Never quick. Never one question. Usually contains a requirement change, fiscal issue, legal implication, schedule impact, and one phrase that starts with "can't we just..."
Field safety note
Do not feed after 1658.
The entities become more active on Fridays, during EOFY, after the release of Q&As, and whenever someone says the words "minor change" near Section M.